Syllabus
by CrazyKidBen
Summary: Prequel to season seven premiere. Willow thinks about what has happened.


"Listen, Willow, I understand that you're tired from all the tests I've put you through today, but you have to realize that there are lots more trials for you to endure before you will be back to your old self," Giles said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Giles, I've been doing these exercises for the last week non-stop, I'm just asking you if I can take a break to call Xander. I haven't talked to any of them since we came back here," she said, sitting in his new apartment in England. "Oh, Rupert, do give her a break. The girl has been working vigorously to please you, the least you could do is let her call her friend," Olivia said from the doorway. "Very well, but do use one of those calling cards, phone calls to the states are not cheap, you know," Giles said, leaving the room to give Willow some privacy. Willow exhaled, relieved that Olivia had come to her rescue. She hadn't seen her since the Gentlemen attacked during her freshman year at UC Sunnydale. The day she met Tara... Willow quickly picked up the phone and dialed Xander's number after entering the phone card number. Willow waited anxiously until she heard the familiar voice on the other side of the line. "Hello?" Xander answered. "It's Willow. How is everything?" she asked, glad he was home. "Will! Things are okay here, Spike still hasn't come back, so that's a plus." "How's Dawn?" Willow asked. "The Buffster's been letting Dawn Giovanni go on patrol with her every once in a while recently. I was surprised at first, but Buff explained to me that Dawn got in a little slaying of her own not so long ago and the time was long passed for her to get out there and do her part." "I know she got in some slaying. I was the reason she had to," Willow said, her voice lowering. "Will, they aren't holding a grudge, if that's what you're getting at. We know it was hard on you. Buffy tried to kill us and we all forgave her, you didn't think we'd forgive you, too?" "Xander, I tried to destroy the world." "Will, it's over with, we've all got over that. Right now all that matters is that you get back to ship shape. So how's the thing with Giles going?" "He's got me on this schedule of anti-magick training. Sort of a program to get me back to where I was before I started abusing the magicks. This way, if a threat comes up where we need a little boost from the elements, I can still be helpful without going all junkie. How are things between you and Anya?" "I've done my best to avoid her, really. She's admitted to me that she cares about me, but she's not sure whether it's in a good or bad way. Still, I'd consider that progress." "Has she been staying busy with the shop?" Willow asked, trying to keep up a normal conversation. Xander took a deep breath, knowing that this would come up sooner or later, "Will, the shop is kind of out of commission. The insurance plan didn't really cover the damages and there weren't enough funds to reopen after all that happened. For now, it's closed indefinitely." Willow collapsed into a chair, suddenly filled with more guilt, despite the fact that she didn't think that was possible, "Oh my god, I had no idea... I'm so sorry." "Well, Anya took it hard at first, but from what Buffy told me, she decided it was a small price to pay to keep on living." "Buffy and Anya have been talking?" "Not so much, but they do run into each other every once and a while, more often than I run into Anya." "Oh, I see," Willow said, hearing Giles clear his throat behind her, "I've got to get back to the invigorating routines now. I'll call you later." "Not today, I hope, it will be tomorrow soon." "Right, time zone, forgot," Willow said, smiling, "Goodnight, Xander." "Night, Wills," Xander said, hanging up the phone. Willow went through more exercises, most of which included the use of anti-magicks, the sort of things used to protect the Scoobies against Willow in her darker hours. Giles went for a walk with Willow to discuss the conversation she had had with Xander. Giles had known that the shop had not reopened. After all, he was a co-owner of it. He had decided it was best to let someone else tell her about it, considering the fact that if he had told her, she might have taken as his way of complaining about the consequences of her actions. The walk lasted until well after sundown and Giles gave Willow the rest of the evening to herself, which may not have been one of his better ideas. Willow went to her room and got out a few of her older things. A photograph of Dawn, Tara, and herself from a trip to the beach was framed and resting on the bedside table. Willow glanced at it then picked it up, staring down at it blankly at first, then letting a tear splatter on the glass. She let out a sigh and sat the picture back down, rolling over onto her stomach to lay on the bed. She reached over and opened the top drawer to the bedside table, pulling out a small book. She flipped through the pages, most of which were still blank, and stopped close to the beginning to read the passage she had read so many times. Breakfast today was great. I had a bagel, I think. No, wait, I had a bagel yesterday for breakfast, today I had, well, it might have been a bagel. Doesn't really matter. I remember Tara had eggs. They were staring at me like little boobs. ( Everything I do with her is so special, I just can't believe we have what we have. And after everything we've gone through together in such a short time, I'm just so thankful she's mine. I don't know how I would have got through yesterday without her. I mean, with Mrs. Summers... Willow's brow moved into one of its more sad positions as she flipped a few more pages into the book. She knew it was too much to read all of these entries, but it would be even harder when she went back to Sunnydale. Oh God, I can't believe what's going on. Everything is wrong right now. Our first argument and then before I even had a chance to make up with her, she's been taken from me. She's still here, but she's not. They wouldn't even let me stay with her at the hospital. I should have been able to take Glory down on my own, there has to be something more I could have done. I let her take Tara away from me, I let her do it because I should have been there with Tara when Glory got to her. And now... I don't know if she'll ever know. I don't know if she's going to be okay. The other people Glory did this to... they haven't improved. But there's got to be something I can do to fix this, I'm a witch, damnit. I have to do something. I have to find her, she's in there somewhere and I have to find her. Willow could barely read the words because what was the worst at the time she wrote it was no longer the worst. At least back then she still had Tara to some degree. The next entry was written much later, Willow could remember the day she wrote it. Buffy's gone. Oh Goddess, why did this have to happen? Buffy wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to stop it all from happening. Dawnie wasn't even supposed to get cut. Oh, Dawnie, she looked so horrible at the funeral. It's not like we had a huge funeral. It was strictly Scoobies only, and also Spike. We didn't need word getting out to the underworld that the slayer was gone. If I can't get the BuffyBot back in action, we might have to call Angel. I can't even use the word dead, it's just--I can't. I'm just so thankful Tara is back now, there's no way I could deal with this without her. She's so strong for me. And she's there for Dawnie, too. Willow closed the book and sat it down, she had planned on writing in it after she had finished reading, but it was too much too fast. She put it back in the drawer and curled up on the bed. 


End file.
